It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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