I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
