swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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