I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
