I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's the barista slut.
did i walk over a car last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
