batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
