I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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