Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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