everyone is single if you try hard enough
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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