i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
