Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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