The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
