I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
