I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
