i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
