3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
