so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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