You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
