This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He has the fingertips of a God
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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