Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
