U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He passed out mid-signature
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
