This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
