I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
