Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
