nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
