I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize