Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
