not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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