We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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