Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
