If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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