Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
