I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
