those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
