I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
