2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
