So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
