his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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