i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
