Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
