I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sponge bath it is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
