Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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