im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
