Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
