He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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