He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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