It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
