Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
