Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
