I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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