She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
