Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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