Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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