it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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