I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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