The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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