Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
