There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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