he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
