She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
