We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
