therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
